It Feels Like We Only Go Backwards

It has been a little over three months since I accepted the job offer that will usher in the grander, brighter future. In that time, I have worked my 50-hours weeks at the entry salary offered me, which is, by the way, unlivable according to MIT's Living Wage Calculation for New York City.

True fatigue has settled in. Debt fatigue, relationship stress (which is as much as I'll say here, but suffice to say that this additional stress has troubled motivation and discipline), and learning the tasks of the new position (not altogether bad, I'll add here, of course... and not altogether good, but the position entails assisting not one, but four higher-ups, and prioritizing the long workday feels like a never-ending excel sheet).

Living on this little, and living this way... it's been very, very hard. Something that I took for granted when working as a bartender/server were the free meals, and now I'm seeing much more of my money going to food. I know I can plan and shop and cook in a less expensive and more healthy way, but that would require a stable household, and let's just say things took a turn, there, and where I spend my night is considered more in terms of what the relationship needs.

No, not in a good place. I'd disappeared thinking that I might wait out this patch, but, this is part of the process. A rough patch is part of the process. I know that the career change was the right move to make. Now I have other decisions to make, in terms of supplemental income, where to cut expenses, and how to leave when the one you love starts to break you down.


March June
Visa Credit Card $3177 $4633
AMEX Gold Card $2725 $2575
Loan From Parents $1300 $1300
Fedloan* 138165 140002

*Not included in total paid down. I may never pay this down. It's really something just watching it climb and climb. Today I paid $300 to


March June
Individual Brokerage $1167 $202
Acorns $1446 $826
Vanguard $0 $1003
Fidelity $0 $432


What is especially frightening to me here looking at these numbers is how little I have left in savings. I am three trips to the grocery away from $0, and I won't be getting a paycheck until July 5th. My savings has plummeted, and my credit card debt is climbing. A combined loss of $1,456 means that I am coming up short by approximately $500 a month. So, moving forward, after resubmitting documents that reflect what I'm actually making as opposed to what my 2018 tax return says, my student loan payment will now be closer to $106.

Four month into the new job, I'm starting to be more strategic about the tasks and time management. I'm going to actively start promoting my services as a translator and writer, making the rounds first with people that I have worked with before, and pick up some telecommuting work with Verbal Ink or another transcription/translation site while waiting for those pitches to land. I also have a few shifts at the old restaurant over the summer. I'm not above picking up a few more. Who'd'a rued the day when I missed those golden handcuffs.